Just a quickie update.
I've been pretty successful this last week, I think. No binges, minimized stress (though there have been some down moments for sure), and best of all, weight loss!
I lost 7lbs since my last post, leaving me with 119lbs left to go. I guess that's the one advantage of being fat- the weight falls off quicker at first.
I have been pretty bad on the exercise front other than a few walks of 2 miles or so. My shoulder is acting up again but the only way to really fix the issue is to lose weight, so I think I'll be holding off on any serious workouts until I'm down enough that this issue goes away. My sleep schedule is still messed up between the depression and the pain, with me sleeping 4 hours or so between 9am and 2pm most days. My energy levels aren't great, but I'm getting work done and not berating myself too much, so that's a plus.
I haven't posted to this journal in forever. Heh. Mostly when I do journal now, I blog about writing and I have a separate blog for that.
But I have LiveJournal nostalgia. I mean, I've been keeping this thing for like what? Almost 10 years (will be 10 in June of this year, eek).
I put up my writing goals on my writing blog. But here are my non-writing goals, which I'll post about on this blog in an attempt to keep myself on task.
Goal 1: lose 126lbs this year. This will put me right at the lower middle of a healthy bmi and at a weight I can live with.
Goal 2: get back in shape. I can still walk a couple miles without wanting to die, but that's about as good as I can manage these days. Part of the issue is that with my weight so high, I am suffering a lot of the injuries, aches, and pains that being fat brings on my poor body. I want to be fit enough to climb again by next winter and fit enough to go hiking this summer.
Goal 3: make positive changes in my thinking to help me overcome this stupid eating disorder and get control back. I plan to do this by making an effort to surround myself with healthy friendships, with self-talk, and by communicating to the people in my life what I need from them to assist me.
I'll try to do weekly posts with my progress and stuff. I'm also planning to talk frankly about my eating disorder again, because sometimes I just need to vent and I also feel that people hear a lot about anorexia but a lot of the sufferers of COE and BED don't talk about it (because hey, you are fat, so just stop eating, right?).
I got into Clarion (UCSD). That is all.
For the like two of you who don't read my writing blog instead:
"Love at the Corner of Time and Space" sold to Daily Science Fiction. :)
In just over 5 months, I turn 30.
I want my thirties to be happier and more stable than my twenties. And I want to break up with my compulsive over-eating disorder forever. I don't want any more "last" binges or "tomorrow I'll starts". I have an addiction and it's destroying my life.
I am 5'5 inches tall with a small/medium frame. Today I weigh 221.4lbs which is .6lbs under my highest weight ever, which was sometime about a week ago. I'm done hating myself and wishing I would just have a heart attack and die so I wouldn't have to look in the mirror tomorrow.
This is the year I break up with my addiction. Am I terrified? Yeah.I miss being thin and comfortable and feeling strong, but it was scary, too. People around me aren't always supportive or nice when I'm losing weight or trying to better myself. I hate it when people comment (and they only comment when I'm losing, everyone keeps their mouths shut when I gain and gain and gain and gain).
But fuck them. It isn't their fault. It's my problem, my addiction. And I'm breaking up with these issues. Now. Not tomorrow. Today. And forever.
That's my resolution.
My life has been really...boring. Which is good. It's full of work (ok, so what else is new?) and more work and videogames and such and not really worth rambling on about I guess (I already ramble enough in my writing blog).
So um... new with me. I'm finally making an honest to god effort to not be fat anymore (again, sigh, you'd think losing 90lbs once would have been enough, but apparently it was so much fun I want to have to do it again. I love eating disorders. Really). I've decided to learn to cook better and to actually eat vegetables, which means my poor husband will be forced to eat them, too. He'll live.
That's about it. Playing Borderlands, reading far too many books (I got a Kindle! I feel like I'm cheating on paper books somehow), and working. Oh, and walking. Lots and lots of walking since this Fall has been particularly lovely and I'm too fat to do much else.
Soon I will add rock climbing, regular weight lifting, and regular harp playing to the list of stuff I'm going to do more of. You know, in March or so when I've got these novels done and hopefully the first 30-40lbs off.
The writer's life is all glam. Yep.